I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
