Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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