you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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