What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
