Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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