took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Shame - the story of my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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