dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
