fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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