He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Vodka?
Forever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
