Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My ass is underappreciated
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
