peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
