Are we in a gay sports bar?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
