Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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