i barfeds in our rink
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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