I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
