My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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