God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
