Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
