She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my shit smells like andre
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
