Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
