; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You can't special order awesome
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
