my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
