Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
