there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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