he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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