did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
