You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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