Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
