So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
