I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
