In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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