One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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