Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
