We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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