My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
