i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
