can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
