im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
