So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My pussy is not your playground.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
