my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
