Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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