I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
