birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
