i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
