I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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