I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
