so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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