This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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