i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
