ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
