yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
