so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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