Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
