This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So much rum. So many feels.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
