$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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