shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
