Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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