I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
