DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
