I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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