low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
